On Running & Chasing….

It’s kind of plausible to assume that every person has some kind of intuitive personal worldview, which maps where he/she wants to place those he/she knows.
Placing someone in a certain circle gives allows them certain privileges in trust and treatment, and expectations of certain behaviour from their side.
If someone is perceived to be too close in this system you may feel discomfort or irritation, if they are too far you feel distanced and misplaced.
The closer the distance the more intensive and valuable each inch of it becomes, and more effort is usually placed to control it. To control the distance you change your attitude to that person and send signals of where you think they are.
However, each person has their own personal map, and a different opinion of what that distance should be. Signalling therefore may be a cause of a lot of confusion.
Metaphorically speaking, for example, if you think your estimated current distance is too far, you start too position yourself closer and send signals accordingly. On the other hand, if the other person estimates your distance to be close or just right, he or she may perceive these as a violation of their personal space and react to restore the borders.
The problem is that the first person observing the signals may now think that the actual gap is even greater than he/she estimated initially and try to correct it with more intense, forcing the other person to feel even more squeezed and pushed.
As a result this Run&Chase may cause misunderstanding, conflict and alienation of both sides.
Interestingly, distancing oneself initially may lead to similar results. One has to therefore avoid problems by trying to guess the other persons perspective and try to change their perspective first before starting to move.However, this is a tricky game.

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